Lounging

Cheeky chillin'

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its time

The pen is calling me. I think its time to insight the gift of sight to write and recite....

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Epithany

Deception is the most powerful truth...

A Father's Role

I found it fitting that I submit these thoughts and experiences in light of the upcoming Father's day celebration. I've never really been one to truly celebrate Father's day partly because my relationship with my father hasn't been as close as others have been afforded. So I have never truly understood or respected the true role of a father until God blessed me with Zoe and Amaya. Through their eyes I can respect the fact that my success directly affects their barometer of a man's success. That my respect for their mother directly affects their standard for success in men they date in the future. That my love for God will directly affect how they learn to love God. Since I have became a father I have made it my mission to be more than the examples I was exposed to, to be more loving than the masculine love I was shown, and to be closer to God than the men in my childhood. No soapbox here because I thank God for the experiences I have endured and been blessed with because they comprise the man that I am today.
Which leads me to the basis of this post. Today I was told that the "Role of a father is not as important as a mother's. Children only need their fathers at certain points in their lives." I must admit that I was taken back by this statement because the person that told me it was raised mainly by their father (God rest his soul). Whether that statement was made out of anger, malice, or just plain oversight; it is wrong in every sense. I believe that the lack of respect for fathers is 2-fold; the lack of physically present fathers and the abundance of deadbeat fathers in our society. I constantly remind myself that although my marriage didnt work the way I dreamed it to that wouldn't prevent me from being the father that I dreamed for my girls. When I have my girls (which until the near future is 50% of the time (more than most fathers)) I am present and involved. Am I a dying breed or am I potentially a the pre-breed of the "deadbeat father"? Yes I am a dying breed and yes I am the pre-breed of the deadbeat father. The one thing that keeps me from metamorphosing in the lader is God. I recognize and love God too much to squander his blessings for me (Amaya and Zoe). God has entrusted me to help raise these girls and to send 2 beautiful women into the world and help make it a better place.
In the near future I will not be able to see my girls as much as I have fought to see them. I was told that there needs to be more "consistency" in their lives; which apparently I don't offer as good as a mother..??! So I am cherishing these last weeks of time that I have with my girls. My time with them will go from 50% down to 33%. Does this break my heart? Hell yes! Does this make me mad? Hell yes! But as my pastor teaches "You are never down! You are either up or getting up!" And yes this has definitely knocked me down but guess what?! I'm getting up! Thank you God for lifting me up above this trial. Thank you God for the journey, for without the journey there is no destination.
I will (thankfully) have my girls on Father's day and I'm going to take the time to thank God for them and for me. I love my girls with all that I am. And anyone who says or believes otherwise is sadly or purposely mistaken!
I am a present father.......

Too busy being angry....

I recently I went and seen "Why did I get married too" and was floored with the overwhelming message that I received. We spend most of our adult live too busy being angry with one another. Being angry doesn't just include yelling it includes being spiteful, saying things to people to hurt them, and ignoring people. I am no stranger to all of these and I must admit that I have wasted a tremendous amount of my life being angry about anything and everything. Whether it be my personal situation, what people do to me, how I give and don't get, etc. Honestly all anger is neither here nor there in the bigger picture of life. There are way too many things to be happy about. So as much as I can I will dwindle my posts that are negative or not upbeat. I implore all my readers to assist me with this!
If you are reading this post and getting angry you need to check yourself. Stop spending so much time being angry and denying being angry. Smile :)

Rebirth, Resurrection, Renewal...

Easter is a time to reflect on the life, death, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is a time for family, friends, fellowship, and love. For some it's the only time that they enter into the house of God to give thanks. Easter is an amazing time! This past Easter my family visited me all the way from Kansas. My mom, niece Jhamaica, niece Yanni, and best friend Tony. We had a wonderful weekend laughing and talking and sightseeing in Dallas. I particularly loved the fact that my 2 little ones (who only get to see their grandmother 2 or 3 times a year) got to spend at least 1 day with her. At 1st both girls were in "stranger danger" mode but by Sunday they warmed up to her and that made my heart warm. It's sad that my little ones don't get to spend more time with family but such are the woes of a great mother who gave her children "roots" and "wings"; thank you mom for that.
I really wished that my Easter was filled with nothing but joy but sadly it wasn't. There continues to be this struggle that I must deal with that tests my will to stay calm. I haven't figured out why some people's only intent in life is to disrupt my life and make every little transaction a struggle? Even on the day that the Lord arose and ascended into Heaven there are people in my life (let's be honest not people 1 person) that continues to fight with me. Continues to down talk me. Continues to make me go above and beyond just to prove that they can "make" me do something.
I have battled with this question lately. "Will God continue to bless a person even when they are not doing God's will? I use the term "God's will" very loosely because that can be anything from preaching his word to just simply being nice to someone. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not in the business of struggling with the "antagonist" in my life. That I am not trying to be in her business. That I am not trying to make that person's life a living hell. I am simply trying to live the best life I can live for my daughters.
Why is it that this person wont let me do the same? Some might say don't worry about it, "dust your shoulders off". This struggle continues to chip away at the goodness in me. It makes me want to follow the "eye for an eye" creed. It takes me off focus. It angers me! But even with that said I continue to appease. I continue to go past my boundary so this person wins. When will winning be enough? When will that person move on and follow God's plan; not their own?
I am not perfect. I have stated that in many of my posts. But one thing I know. People can hurt others with their words. I have left this struggle on the alter and I pray that God takes up my arms and fights this for me. For I can no longer fight or struggle with a person that has one intent when it comes to me. To make my life unsettled.....
Some have commented that my posts are dark or depressing. I am very happy and I love my life. But honesty isn't always pretty.
So now that Easter has passed take this time to reflect, resurrect, and renew. Let the people in your life go that have one malice intention. Reflect on all the glory that God has afforded you. Resurrect friendships and relationships with people who are worth the while. And renew your love in God, family, and friends who invest in you....

Hmmmm...

Today my patience and temperament are being tested. "Pick your battles Shawn and know that some things just aren't worth thinking about".... those words are playing in my head....