A new year (from your service provider)....

As 2010 comes to a close i am reminded at how blessed I am to be here. There are many loved ones that werent privileged to spend this entire year with us. For that I thank God for more borrowed time in his grace. A new year brings new: opportunities, challenges, setbacks, journies, and blessings. My advice to you is to be realistic. Dont make a resolution that has no solution. We are our worst critic so rather you divulge your skeletons on a mountain or in meditation behind closed doors; do it.
Be good to someone. Put a smile on someone's face. Love someone! Take the time to get on your knees and humble yourself to something greater than you. If you have a beef with someone squash it. Time waits for no man or woman. Maximize your time.
The word for 2011 is LOVE. Not that prideful or boastful kind. That old school juke joint look into my eyes and see everything that you wish for love. Love your kids for who they are. Bask at their accomplishments. Guide them through life's challenges. Put your arms around them and kiss them.
Im not going to end this with some ryhme with 2011. I will end with this. Its a new year be happy you get to see it!

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Merry Christmas!

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Posing again

Here are the girls posing again....

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I am so blessed...

Although these little divas are a handful I wouldnt trade them for the world! Mom the girls love their new outfit.

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Too early

Uhmm yall are up way too early! Haha

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Old?

So recently my friends have been telling me that i look old...haha

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A work in progress....

As I get older and greyer (haha) I continue to learn more about myself. I am still learning what makes me tick and what makes me tock. I think my list of pet peeves changes every single year. There are things that use to get on my nerves that I have just learned to deal with nowadays. With that said I think the thing that I need to work on is being slow to anger. I have read about this practice in the Bible and even heard about it in church. But I must admit that I always made an excuse whenever I would be quick to anger. A person's natural reaction is anger; imo. But is that the way that God wants us to be? Are there instances where even God excuses anger? My guess would be no. No, because nothing in life should rattle you to the core of your spirit besides love. Your temple should be heavily guarded to disallow anyone to peruse through it and steal your happiness. Or to give your happiness away willingly. I have definitely allowed people to steal my happiness and given my happiness away. So the task for the rest of this year is to be more even killed. To be more guarded with my feelings. To only allow people that invest in me to affect me. I can only blame myself for my anger therefore the fault stops at my doorstep. The difference this time is that the door is locked and only those who love me have a key to open it.
Be happy, be safe, and continue to learn.....and remember there is only one side to be on; the right side of God.

I'm her friend!

So last night Amaya and I were sitting on the couch watching TV and she puts her arm around me and says, "daddy you're my friend"! I could've died and gone to heaven then and there...haha. This pic was taken right after she said it...

Just a thought...

Sometimes being right in life is the hardest thing to do. When I define right I mean doing right by people. We all make mistakes but at the end of the day make sure you do right by people. We never know when the credits will roll on our movie in life; so make sure that when that time comes that there are no apologies left on the table. Be true to yourself and to the people that mean the most to you. Do right, be right, live right. Be a nice person.

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Happy face!

You've got picture mail...

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Helping Hand

So im in the closet putting clothes up and Amaya comes in and says "hey daddy i wanna help you". She is so helpful! Thank you Amaya.

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Hanging out

me and the divas love hanging out and watching Glee...

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Grey vs Blonde

So alot of people have been commenting on the emergence of all my grey hair in my beard. I think it makes me look regal and it's really blonde hair! haha. But yes I have noticed how I am looking older by the minute lately. Oh well guess I'm just growing old fast....

Oh and although im not smiling I am happy......

HATE

Have you ever said that you hated someone? I have, maybe more times than I should have. Hate is a very strong word that I believe is the fruit of an evil root inside oneself. Do I feel I have ever truly hated anyone? Unequivocally no! Some of my posts may elude that I hate her but honestly I don't. Do I see many of our interactions as 1/2 empty rather than 1/2 full? Yes. But does that make me a bad person? There are always multiple sides to a story and I admit that I am not always right. I speak the truth because I like for the truth to be set free. There are many people that walk in and out of our lives who never speak the truth to us. As disheartening as that may be; it's the truth.

I've been on this earth for 33 years and I can honestly say that at this point in my life that I am not influenced and led by anyone except for who I pray to every morning, noon, and night. I've been called a momma's boy, a dumb frat guy, and many other things in my time. Sometimes I get offended by what people have said about me but I have come to the conclusion that there are just going to be people in your life that will see you in a jaded view for as long as they walk this earth. And no that statement isn't for only one person!

I consider myself a work in progress. I don't profess to know and act accordingly in every situation. I do make mistakes and I would have it no other way. I've been questioned on why I "put my business" out for the world to see. My answer is that I have nothing to hide. I am a writer at heart and true writing is writing the truth. I look at the Oprah show and the books that are the top sellers are always the books that speak the truth. I find it ironic that the people that read those books are the same people that have an issue with me writing the truth about my life!

Bottom line my life and my words are just that. They are mine and no one can take that from me. I think that once you start muzzling yourself to appease others is the day that you stop living for the right reasons and start dieing for the wrong reasons.

Let go and let God.....and most of all be FREE

i love my girls!

i am totally floored with how much love i my divas! They are so much fun

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Hanging out with the divas...

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Lounging

Cheeky chillin'

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its time

The pen is calling me. I think its time to insight the gift of sight to write and recite....

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Epithany

Deception is the most powerful truth...

A Father's Role

I found it fitting that I submit these thoughts and experiences in light of the upcoming Father's day celebration. I've never really been one to truly celebrate Father's day partly because my relationship with my father hasn't been as close as others have been afforded. So I have never truly understood or respected the true role of a father until God blessed me with Zoe and Amaya. Through their eyes I can respect the fact that my success directly affects their barometer of a man's success. That my respect for their mother directly affects their standard for success in men they date in the future. That my love for God will directly affect how they learn to love God. Since I have became a father I have made it my mission to be more than the examples I was exposed to, to be more loving than the masculine love I was shown, and to be closer to God than the men in my childhood. No soapbox here because I thank God for the experiences I have endured and been blessed with because they comprise the man that I am today.
Which leads me to the basis of this post. Today I was told that the "Role of a father is not as important as a mother's. Children only need their fathers at certain points in their lives." I must admit that I was taken back by this statement because the person that told me it was raised mainly by their father (God rest his soul). Whether that statement was made out of anger, malice, or just plain oversight; it is wrong in every sense. I believe that the lack of respect for fathers is 2-fold; the lack of physically present fathers and the abundance of deadbeat fathers in our society. I constantly remind myself that although my marriage didnt work the way I dreamed it to that wouldn't prevent me from being the father that I dreamed for my girls. When I have my girls (which until the near future is 50% of the time (more than most fathers)) I am present and involved. Am I a dying breed or am I potentially a the pre-breed of the "deadbeat father"? Yes I am a dying breed and yes I am the pre-breed of the deadbeat father. The one thing that keeps me from metamorphosing in the lader is God. I recognize and love God too much to squander his blessings for me (Amaya and Zoe). God has entrusted me to help raise these girls and to send 2 beautiful women into the world and help make it a better place.
In the near future I will not be able to see my girls as much as I have fought to see them. I was told that there needs to be more "consistency" in their lives; which apparently I don't offer as good as a mother..??! So I am cherishing these last weeks of time that I have with my girls. My time with them will go from 50% down to 33%. Does this break my heart? Hell yes! Does this make me mad? Hell yes! But as my pastor teaches "You are never down! You are either up or getting up!" And yes this has definitely knocked me down but guess what?! I'm getting up! Thank you God for lifting me up above this trial. Thank you God for the journey, for without the journey there is no destination.
I will (thankfully) have my girls on Father's day and I'm going to take the time to thank God for them and for me. I love my girls with all that I am. And anyone who says or believes otherwise is sadly or purposely mistaken!
I am a present father.......

Too busy being angry....

I recently I went and seen "Why did I get married too" and was floored with the overwhelming message that I received. We spend most of our adult live too busy being angry with one another. Being angry doesn't just include yelling it includes being spiteful, saying things to people to hurt them, and ignoring people. I am no stranger to all of these and I must admit that I have wasted a tremendous amount of my life being angry about anything and everything. Whether it be my personal situation, what people do to me, how I give and don't get, etc. Honestly all anger is neither here nor there in the bigger picture of life. There are way too many things to be happy about. So as much as I can I will dwindle my posts that are negative or not upbeat. I implore all my readers to assist me with this!
If you are reading this post and getting angry you need to check yourself. Stop spending so much time being angry and denying being angry. Smile :)

Rebirth, Resurrection, Renewal...

Easter is a time to reflect on the life, death, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is a time for family, friends, fellowship, and love. For some it's the only time that they enter into the house of God to give thanks. Easter is an amazing time! This past Easter my family visited me all the way from Kansas. My mom, niece Jhamaica, niece Yanni, and best friend Tony. We had a wonderful weekend laughing and talking and sightseeing in Dallas. I particularly loved the fact that my 2 little ones (who only get to see their grandmother 2 or 3 times a year) got to spend at least 1 day with her. At 1st both girls were in "stranger danger" mode but by Sunday they warmed up to her and that made my heart warm. It's sad that my little ones don't get to spend more time with family but such are the woes of a great mother who gave her children "roots" and "wings"; thank you mom for that.
I really wished that my Easter was filled with nothing but joy but sadly it wasn't. There continues to be this struggle that I must deal with that tests my will to stay calm. I haven't figured out why some people's only intent in life is to disrupt my life and make every little transaction a struggle? Even on the day that the Lord arose and ascended into Heaven there are people in my life (let's be honest not people 1 person) that continues to fight with me. Continues to down talk me. Continues to make me go above and beyond just to prove that they can "make" me do something.
I have battled with this question lately. "Will God continue to bless a person even when they are not doing God's will? I use the term "God's will" very loosely because that can be anything from preaching his word to just simply being nice to someone. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not in the business of struggling with the "antagonist" in my life. That I am not trying to be in her business. That I am not trying to make that person's life a living hell. I am simply trying to live the best life I can live for my daughters.
Why is it that this person wont let me do the same? Some might say don't worry about it, "dust your shoulders off". This struggle continues to chip away at the goodness in me. It makes me want to follow the "eye for an eye" creed. It takes me off focus. It angers me! But even with that said I continue to appease. I continue to go past my boundary so this person wins. When will winning be enough? When will that person move on and follow God's plan; not their own?
I am not perfect. I have stated that in many of my posts. But one thing I know. People can hurt others with their words. I have left this struggle on the alter and I pray that God takes up my arms and fights this for me. For I can no longer fight or struggle with a person that has one intent when it comes to me. To make my life unsettled.....
Some have commented that my posts are dark or depressing. I am very happy and I love my life. But honesty isn't always pretty.
So now that Easter has passed take this time to reflect, resurrect, and renew. Let the people in your life go that have one malice intention. Reflect on all the glory that God has afforded you. Resurrect friendships and relationships with people who are worth the while. And renew your love in God, family, and friends who invest in you....

Hmmmm...

Today my patience and temperament are being tested. "Pick your battles Shawn and know that some things just aren't worth thinking about".... those words are playing in my head....

Let's cruise....

So 2 weeks ago I bought a new motorcycle. This has been a dream of mine for over 10 years. It seems like every woman that I was ever involved with was adamantly against it so naturally I had to finally do something for me. Its funny how when you do things for you some people always have something to say about it. That's neither her nor there though in the grand scheme of things. I can only make me happy and I am so over trying to make everyone else happy.
So anyways back to my new toy! I got a 2008 Honda VTX 1800N. The "N" stands for Neo-Retro. It basically means that they are taking the styling from the old school cruisers and adding some new school technology. Its like a deep orange-red color and boasts 1795 cc's. It can definitely burn all of the HD's (Harley-Davidson) in its class. Its a big boy; which is what I wanted because those that know me know that I love to be spoiled and I get bored with new toys very easily (guess its the Gemini in me...haha).
Anyways I took the BRC (basic rider class) 3 weeks ago and I must say that if you have NEVER rode a bike you will feel right at home and by the end of the class (if you take it seriously and pay attention) you will know how to ride and maneuver a motorcycle.
Riding my bike is such a free feeling. Some days (when I dont have my babies) I hop on my bike and just ride my stresses away. I ride alone because none of my friends have bikes but I think I might like it like that. All you hear is the roar of the bike and God whistling in your ear.
Well on to some pics... oh and I wear my helmet ALL THE TIME!!

Thank you

I want to take this time to thank all who have supported me. Through the ups and downs you have stood beside me, stood in front of me, shielded me, counseled me, humored me, consoled me, and loved me. Its not often that someone has people around them that see their worth even when they don't see it. I am not depressed in the least, just want to say thank you.
I was recently told that I was wrong for saying that at times I am lonely. That at times I feel that its me against the world. Well if being human is my deficiency then I guess ill be human. The past 3 years have taught me alot about perseverance and strength in people. You cannot depend on others to be strong for you. You cant depend on someone to make things right for you. Sometimes you have to stand on the feet that God gave you and weather the storm. God places obstacles in our life to test whether or not we really want to achieve the goal at hand. Sometimes its easier to give up that goal and choose another goal. The million dollar question is, "is your path predetermined or do you have a say so in it?". Not sure if I will never know that I answer but one thing I can say is thank you God for continuing to guide me in these uncharted waters. Thank you for keeping a light on at night for me to know that home is where the heart is and not where you lay your head. That love is eternal and some people just don't know how to love you...
All in all I am thankful. I am not depressed and I have much to be thankful and grateful for. As I take a deep breath, as I look into my beautiful daughters' eyes, as I look to the skies in amazement I know that I am truly blessed.

Lyrics

It's amazing how a song can be written over 30 years ago and the words remain true. Jack Jones "Wives and Lovers"....

I see you

Recently I went and seen the movie Avatar and was stricken by 1 main theme in the movie. Throughout the entire movie a term of endearment was "I see you". This is similar to love but I think it taped into a deeper level of love. Basically "I see you" means that I see your spirit or that I see your intentions.
Often times we can all reflect back when we were in love (hopefully God has blessed you to still be in love) and there might have been times when y'all weren't in tune. It was almost like you couldn't see that person. Like even though you were sitting right next to them they seemed light years away from you. Seeing someone is the way that God sees us. God sees us through the money, status, position, level, situation, discrepancy, illegitimacy, motive...etc and sees you for who you are.
Many of us (including me) have many different faces that we show to fit certain situations in life. I think the key is to "show yourself" to the person that means the most to you at all times. Allow that person to "see you". Become stronger in your vulnerability of exposing yourself to that person. Go beyond loving that person and truly see that person.
Allow yourself to say "I see you"..... God sees you....

Road Trip!!

Recently the divas and I took a road trip back to Kansas for the New Year's holiday. Initially I wasn't sure if I could do this trip by myself but God blessed us on the road back and forth. The girls were fairly good on the road. They tend to get antsy the last hour of the trip. I think the key is to travel during their normal nap time. This was the girl's 1st time experiencing single digit temps. (they enjoyed that...NOT!! ha ha). I thank all those who called me to keep me going and to entertain me the way there and back....